After the house lights bright on sweaty faces
After the frosty silence when the support band was done
After the agony of needing a piss
The crowd going nuts when Angus entered stage left
Felt like it was gonna bring the roof down.
It’s a bugger about Malcolm
But I guess we’re all dying slowly, hey
Now that’s a cheery fucken thought.

Here is no tekkers but only rock
Rock and roll and Randy Rhoads
Well, OK, he was in Ozzy’s band
But come on, that was a pretty good one, Thommo.
It’s hot as Boonie’s jockstrap in Festie Hall tonight
I shoulda probably got two beers instead of one
But amongst the rock one cannot stop and think
Or, for that matter, stop and drink.
If someone could spray some water on the moshpit
Or they’d let us bring water bottles
Instead of cutting them open like at Calder Park
In ’93. Now THAT was fucked.
Here one can neither stand nor lie nor sit
Although truly why would you want to sit down?
If you can’t take the heat, stand at the back
With the rest of the fucken wetbag cunts.
Whose red sullen faces sneer and snarl
At the people who can hack it up the front.

If there were water

And no rock’n’roll
Well that’d be shit, hey.
But if there were rock
And also water
A bar among the mosh
The sound of a tinnie only…
Ah man. Time for a durry
The dry grass rolled and smokin
And maybe also a pinger?
Gotta time it right
Time to drop drop drop drop drop!
It tastes like arse and as I’ve mentioned
Repeatedly
There’s no fucken water.

Shit, I reckon that was some decent gear
Because every time I look over at you
It feels like I’m seeing double.
There’s always two of you
And would you Adam and Eve it,
The other looks kinda familiar
—Wait, is that Bon Scott?

What’s that sound high in the air
Oh shiiiiiit it’s THAT riff
And here comes the crush from the back
Pushing everyone forward across the cracked floorboards
Ringed by the barriers only
Phil Rudd’s smashing those drums
They crack and thunder in the violent air
Acca Dacca: high voltage
Nar Nar Goon Dubbo Wollongong
Wagga Wagga
They’re always unreal

A sheila next to me is playing air guitar
Banging out that riff on imaginary strings
And I swear that fucken dealer has stiffed me again
Because there’s shit flying out of the walls
I’m tripping balls, bats with faces
And not just any faces, BON SCOTT’S FACE
Crawling up and down the walls of Festie Hall
Is this what Hells Bells is about??

In this decayed venue in North Melbourne
In the faint moonlight, the arse is swinging
The place is too small, really, but
No-one’s complaining. No empty seats round the side
But the pit’s the place to be. Keep standing,
And you’ll come to no harm.
Just keep your cock to yourself
Or you’ll lose it like lightning. People here
Don’t fuck around.

Me mate Ganga was slaughtered, kinda slumpin
On his missus, but he perked up when he heard
The riff. He slid in behind her,
Started humping in silence.
Then spoke Brian Johnston
THUNDER
Na na: what HAS that dealer given me?
My friend, blood shaking my heart
Feeling for an awful moment like I’m gonna keel over
Once you’ve dropped it, you can’t take it back
But when the tunes kick in it doesn’t matter
In this moment, this only, we have existed
And if it’s writing our obituaries
Then so fucken be it. Better that than some solicitor
Charging a fortune to boot.
THUNDER
Na na na naaaaa na na: I have felt the pinger
Turning over in my stomach again and again
I can’t help thinking of the thing
All night, it feels like, then I’m falling sideways
And for a moment I think I’m gonna suffer
The dreaded Corio anus.
THUNDER
Na na na naaaaa na na naaaa na na: Hands all over me
Felt a bit gay, tbh, but I was in no condition
Always told mum if I die I’ll be on the telly
So maybe I’ll be on the ABC News?
Then I was keeling over, obedient
To controlling hands

I sat upon the stage, puking

I was shaking at the knees
Could I come again please?
Then I was falling down falling down falling down
Ranting in Italian for some reason?
Amongst fragments of broken bottles
I sure am ruined
But then St John’s had me in a gurney
Hands off ya poofter
Or I’ll fucken fix you. This cunt’s mad again.
THUNDER
THUNDER
THUNDER

Auntie auntie auntie